Jan 09 2009
The little girl
I opened the door and they were there.
My daughter holding the hands of that little girl.
The little girl was smiling and giggling and holding tightly to my daughter’s hand.
Her piercing blue eyes, her strawberry blond hair, her pale skin. How amazingly similar she was to him.
My daughter had told me “‘Mom, daddy is down stairs but before leaving he asked if K. can use our bathroom. She really needs to pee”
I felt a sudden tightness in my stomach. Where? Here? Is she coming up here?
My daughter seemed amused by my look. “Oh mom, i always wanted you to meet her. She is my little sister, after all. You have to meet her”.
So…. I said yes.
After all, i already had said yes to that little girl almost 3 years ago. I had already agreed to meet her.
I’ve talked about that first encounter with her here in my blog.
After that day I haven’t seen that little girl again.
If not in some pictures that my daughter once in a while was bringing home from one of her week ends at her father’s house. On my daughter’s desk there is a cute frame with a picture of them happily smiling at the camera.
Try opening the door and seeing the past looking at you, so vividly and so lively.
Try not feeling a knot in your stomach. Even though a little one. Even now that you had definitely done with that past.
Still…. something stirs inside while you open the door and let the little girl in.
In your present.
She says (with her high pitched cute voice) “Is this your home?”
I say “Yes, hello, K. Let’s go to the bathroom. You must really go, isn’t?”
She smiles at me and follows my daughter.
I remain on the door but i can see them.
My daughter is so sweet with her….she helps her pulling down those little panties of hers, she picks her up and makes her seat comfortably on the seat and watches over her.
“You have cool stuff” the little girl chatters away.
My daughters asks “Wanna see my room? And my dog?”
And so this big mass of strawberry blond hair…these little feet in cute little flip flop walks in my daughter’s room and seats on her bed.
My dog arrives, happy to have a little being at his eyes height, smelling good and ready to play. She gets slurped on the arm but she giggles.
My dog likes her and wags his tail.
But i say: “Its time to go, you two. Your father is waiting for you”
It comes out of my mouth so naturally that i don’t realize how weird is that sentence after all.
My daughter smiles at me. She seems to say “Thank you, mom, for having met her”.
I hug her tight and tell her that I love her.
“See you Sunday night, baby, call me”
And i say “Bye bye, K”
The little girl say “Bye bye” waving her hand to me. I see them going down the stairs. Big sis holding little sis’s hand, talking to each other.
I close the door.
The small knot in my stomach is starting to fade away.
And i think that this little girl has had such a great impact in my life.
She arrived in this world and changed my world forever.
Like i did 3 years ago, even today i think i can’t hate her. She is just a cute little girl.
Looking so amazingly like her father with his same piercing blue eyes, his same strawberry blond hair, the same pale skin.
Today I could be her adoptive mother if 3 years ago life would have taken a complete different direction.
But it did not.
And so now i am going to walk the dog. And I smile.
